Be Afraid. . .

Be very afraid. The small bus ladies are preparing for CheezFest 2006. Stay Tuned. . .

Happy Birthday My Friend!!!

Today is E's birthday. Today my good friend officially becomes what she refers to as a 30 something. So welcome to being a 30 something my friend. I don't have much to offer you in terms of a present but what I have is a wish for you.

This past year has not been easy. You have had your heart broken repeatedly. Been forced to move but in the process found a fantastic apartment. You were forced out of a job you hated but the Devils own and found a job that is everything you hoped it would be and more.

I hope that you upcoming move brings you more opportunities and more happiness than you ever imagined. I wish that you continue to enjoy your job. You are good at what you do and as your friend it is nice to see you finally get the recognition you deserve.

This year my wish for you is that your every dream comes true. They may not come true today or tomorrow but i know that each turn you take will lead you closer to that dream. I hope that you know you are a wonderful person who is loved by many. Even if stupid boys don't realize how great you are the people that matter most do.


So Happy Birthday my friend, may this year be better than the last!
Love,
Mel

What a long, strange trip it's been...

Yesterday, I realized that today marks one year since I found out BWBMH was still in love with The Other Girl.

The only reason I know the exact date, btw, is because we were at a Cinqo di Mayo event when he told me. (Well, it was less of an event than "a bar with random Mexican shit thrown around promoting Corona in honor of Cinqo di Mayo," but it was definitely May 5th.)

I thought about how much pain I felt that night, how I cried non-stop for what seemed like years, and how I probably should have cut him loose right there and then, but didn't. We continued this weird, wild roller coaster ride of friendship (Or "friendship" if you prefer) for months. He even broke my heart a couple more times, believe it or not, because I let him.

This month, The Other Girl is moving here to be with him. They're going to try it out and see what happens. I've spent so much time villanizing her in all of this (though she is not without her faults, believe me), and expended so much energy hating on someone I don't even know. And for what? He's not with me, he's with her. Me hating her and wishing she'd break up with him isn't going to bring him to me, so why bother?

Especially since I don't want him anymore.

A lot has happened in the last year - I changed jobs, apartments/roommates, and my outlook on a lot of things. I'm in a much better place personally and professionally than I've been in ages. Every thing I've been through over the last year has helped me realize that I deserve so much better than what he could offer me.

In retrospect, I'd like to believe that he felt something for me. And I think that if he hadn't still been attached to The Other Girl maybe, just maybe, it would've happened for us. Part of me feels as though I have to believe that, though, just to prove to myself that I wasn't insane. But in the end, he can't give me what I need, and probably never will.

So where does that leave us? Good question. We don't talk much anymore. Ever, really. Last summer/fall, he and I saw each other a couple of times a month, either because we had tickets for an event or we just wanted to grab dinner/beers. But I stopped asking, and since he never asks, I haven't seen him since a mutual friend was in town. In January.

I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss him. I do. For all of his faults (and there are many), he is one of the funniest, smartest, sarcastic, entertaining people I know. And that's saying something. He's also, when he wants to be, one of the kindest, sweetest, and most loyal people out there. When you're in his good graces, he'd lie down in traffic for you.

I'd like to believe that if it came down to it, he'd still lie in traffic for me. But I just don't know anymore.

Part of me will always love him and want the best for him. And it would be great if we were somehow able to manuever our way back to being friends. But for now, I know in my heart that he's not the one for me.

And I'm ok with it. Really.

E-

Stick a fork in me, I am done!

I am all done. Officially, truly ALL DONE! I have waited, I have begged, I have pleaded & I have made deals with the gods, the angels & the devils. I have changed the shape of my body, the color of my hair, some of my opinions, a good portion of my wardrobe and I am all done!!

I guess I don’t understand why this dating/relationship thing is so difficult or why it has to be such a fucking game. I don’t think that asking for someone who would be willing to stand up with me & for me is so fucking hard. Yet it seems like my quest for the perfect jeans; pointless & futile.

Trust me I have fallen in love and fallen out of love. I have had my heartbroken by some of the best and worst men you could ever imagine. From Dave who loved me with all his heart and taught me that there was truth to the song “Sometimes Love Aint Enough” to Kyle who broke me in ways that even now I am still coming to terms with. Each Ex has taught me something about myself. They have shown me the type of person I am and the type of person I want to become.

I have tried not to be needy, clingy or a bitch. Good lord have I tried. I have toned down the sarcasm, turned on the charm and everything in between. I have given to the point where I had nothing left of myself and taken just as much from other people. I have forsaken my friends, embraced my enemies, fallen gotten up & gotten over it. Yet the story is always the same you are a great girl BUT, she, her, it.

I would love to know who the fuck is she? What is so fucking special about her? And why am I always first loser? Why am I the one you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on or a confidant but She is the one who gets to hold your hand & kiss you goodnight?

Now trust me I am no angel either I have been that girl in a boys past that haunts him, the one he loved that didn’t love him back. I have been the bad breaker-upper that just stopped talking and frankly, just stopped caring. To all of those boys, I am truly sorry. To all of the girls whose hearts those boys broke because of me, I am truly & deeply sorry. Can you guys PLEASE take the pins out of the voodoo doll now?

Last Thursday I became a human pin cushion subjecting my shoulder to a cortisone shot that really fucking hurt & didn’t fucking work. On Friday I was told that there are some changes coming at my job that scare the shit out of me even if certain people (Mardonis) tell me I have nothing to worry about. As if that wasn’t enough for one person in a two day period this past Saturday I had to drive to NH and say good-bye to my Austin. My puppy boy who had been with me & my family for the last 12 ½ years.

I have great friends and I know that they have my back even when I am an absolute ASS and even when I am wrong. I should be happy with where I am in my life right now. I am employed, healthy and things in my life are going really well right now. For all of these things I am truly greatful, I am. No offense or disrespect to my friends but when all was said & done this past week I felt like I went through it all alone. At the end of the day when I hung up the phone & put my head on my pillow there was no one there with a promise of tomorrow.

A Small Bus Saturday Night

****phone rings****
M- What are you doing tonight
E- Nothing
M- Wanna go someplace local & grab a few drinks?
E- Sure
M- I am driving back from seeing Uncle Larry (not to be confused with Cousin Larry) I will call you when I get home


****phone rings****
M- What's up?
E- I posted on my live journal about the cootchie spray and guess who commented that she uses it?
M- Dirty Cootch Ratzo herself?
E- laughing hysterically I laughed for like 10 minutes after I read that.
M- Figures she would use it
E- No joke. Wanna meet a Tin Alley tonight? it is karaoke night
M- Sure say around 9/9:30


Somehow I got lost on my way to Tin Alley & drove a total of 20 minutes out of the way but whatever I was going to see bad karaoke. SO I get to the Bar at the same time as E and we walk in together & then I hear it. I hear the sound of what I think is someone trying to sing what was at one point in time The Eagles.

As if things could get any better E & I were approximately 3 drinks in when a girl steps up to the mike. E has her money on Stevie Nicks. I on the other hand was going for Britney. Suddenly from out of nowhere this chick comes out with "Move bitch, get out the way." This caused both E & I to erupt in laughter.

What did we do when our laughter subsided? We rewrote what will happen during the battle of the century. That being the battle between DC Ratzo and E that is slated to take place in a few short weeks. It should go something like this:

E will spot DC Ratzo & the BWBMH on the street. E will go up to DC Ratzo smack her upside the and shout "MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY!" That will be my cue to grab my cell phone & dial our friend N to tell her "Goo goo it is mother fucking on." and then put her on speakerphone while cowering in fear under my kevlar vest.

At this point E will being to pummel DC Ratzo's frizzy fringe jacket, beer belt buckle wearing cootchie spray using ass into the ground. N & I will laugh hysterically. The police will come, the lawyer we at small bus have on retainer will and come bail out E. The lawyer will then represent E and get her off without so much as a fine cause honestly who could really have a problem with the shit being kicked out of DC Ratzo?

Once we had planned the attack on DC Ratzo Kip got up and instead of singing I love Technology he sang something that went like this "Cat. . .. Cradle. . .Moon. . . .Soon." and we decided to call it a night. I know you are all sad you missed it.

M

I gotta go, It's on

Last night E & I had plans to attend a girls night out event in Boston. We thought our plans were fool proof. We had both gotten out of work early to ensure we would be able to get there on time & find a place to park. Makes sense, No?

Well it did until we arrived at our destination and saw the line. Good Lord the line! It was out the door & down the street. I had flashbacks to John Stewart but what did I care look how that turned out! Plus Goody Bags!! Goody Bags of any sort are like gold but give a girl a goody bag filled with beauty products & you will be worshiped like a God.

E & I were determined that we would not be denied our goodie bags! So we drove around & around & around some more. At one point we didn’t even really know where we were but we had a general idea. Somewhere in the maze of up streets, down streets, South End Resident Parking Only, bus stops & fire hydrants we gave up on ever getting our goody bags and headed for the bar.

If you are wondering why we went to a bar on a school night you must be a new reader. If you have been one of the few (3) that have read us since the beginning you understand. How could we go home? We didn’t have a blog entry yet!

After parking my red neck mobile (another story TRUST me) in the alleged $9.00 garage we got lost. We got lost attempting to walk out of the parking garage. It is one thing to get lost trying to find the car after you have been drinking but we were stone cold sober & we got lost. We couldn’t even pretend we were cars!!!

Finally we got to the bar & order food & E made sure to order me a HUGE ASS Rasberry Stoli & Sprite NFL*. After we ate our dinner we hung out at the bar & watch basketball while stalking people for actually seats. Initially we were leaving after we finished our current glasses of poison, then we got seats so we had to get one more. Since it was so early & it was only costing us $9 to park we could then stay for JUST ONE MORE.

At some point in the evening Erica and I began threatening to “Take our earrings out.” Then we decided the “It was fucking on.” Or better yet “Goo goo it’s on.” are among some of the best phrases in the world. All of this while discussing the many ways she would kick DC Ratzo’s ass the night we go to see Dane Cook. My job while she is whipping DC Ratszo around by her hair is to hide under my Kevlar vest & call N on speakerphone so she can hear all about it.

The very mention of N’s name while drinking then had us in hysterics. See when N drinks by the end of the night sentences come out a one big long slurred word. For example, “Ineedtogopee” or my personal favorite “Iwantaspinachbagelwithherbgarliccreamcheese!” Both E & I are fluent in drunken N speak the people at the bar had NO idea what in the hell was so damn funny.

After the LSU victory we made our way back to the red neck mobile. Laughing hysterically because if reversing our steps didn’t work we were totally going to pretend we were cars & walk up the ramp. We made it with much giggling but we made it. We drove to the exit & E hands me $5 because if you remember we were in the $9 garage. Only it wasn’t $9 for us it was $30. For a moment we considered contacting an attorney to sue for false advertising.

How did you spend your Thursday?

*NFL- No Fucking Lime

OUCH!

Apparently when you finally come clean and tell people that you have been living in chronic pain for several years/months they think you are strange. Go figure!

Some background:

Some time ago back in the days of flannel shirts and Birkenstocks in a land
we will refer to as college I injured my shoulder. BADLY. So badly in
fact I was unable to move my arm for about a month and after the month was
up I could move my arm but not without pain. But since I was living in the
time of the flannel shirts and Birkenstocks participating in better living
through chemistry was not a problem for me.

Over the years I have had ups and downs as far as my shoulder is concerned.
There have been periods where all was right with the world and I had no
pain what-so-ever. Then I have had months upon months of pain. Not really a
blinding pain all the time. It is more of a feeling that you have a major muscle cramp in your
shoulder blade & you cant get it to stop. After a while it turns into a dull ache and then you just tune it out.

Today:
I finally decided to do the grown up thing & go to the Doctor. My Doctor took one look at me handed me a prescription for Vicodin & referred me to an orthopedist & made the appointment for an MRI. . . the next day! The appointment with the ortho doc went like this; your shoulder tissues are incredibly inflamed, take these drugs, do some PT and come back in a month so I can give you a referral to an orthoscopic surgeon. WTF?!????

The taking of the drugs last all of 1 week. First of all they didn't help. Secondly they made me crazy. I already have a pass to ride the crazy train I don't need any extra help. Thanks! The PT is a joke. A waste of my time. Hours of my life that I am never gonna get back. Even my PT agrees. Again with the WTF!! So now I am sitting here in pain waiting for my follow up appointment so I can get a big needle jabbed into my shoulder and then book my surgery.

Why am I planning on surgery? Here is the thing; I, am sick to death of being in pain. I want to be able to swim & not regret it for DAYS on end. I want to be able to ride my mountain bike on kick ass trails without pre-gaming with the Advil first. Bottom line: I want my life back.

If that isn't enough, in 2 more years I may not have my cushy job with paid sick leave & kick ass insurance so my friends the time is upon us & I the girl who would rather live in pain then go to the Dr's am most likely going under the knife. God help us each & every one cause there is nothing worse than a stubborn sick person.

And apparently my shoulder thing is catchy & expands to arms as well since E has gone & pinched a nerve in her left arm. Apparently now we are both to be on pain meds!